No cramps for Lebron in game 2, or maybe even game 1.

My friends from san antonio told me he heard lebron didnt have cramps, but he actually shit himself in game 1. I believe it. Wadding around like he was, it all makes sense now, he just didnt want to smear his shorts. He should of just admitted it. No one ever questions diarrhea. Plus he didnt come out for interviews after the game, even king james gets embarrassed. The key to the whole story though is this story was found on 4chan, which Im pretty sure is part of the deep internet.  I would post a link but couldnt figure out how to work the site plus I was worried the fbi was going to knock my door down any second so I gtfo. Anyways, LePoop evened the series at 1 a piece, headed to shit hole florida for g3.

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Jfooty taken in mlb draft

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2089642-johnny-manziel-drafted-by-padres-in-28th-round-of-2014-mlb-draft

The guy just cant stay out of the headlines. I remember seeing a video of him knocking a few out during a padres game bp last year so he obviously has talent. I just feel bad for people going after him, and especially those not getting drafted.. Its got to be a pretty weird feeling to have played college baseball for 4-5 years probably made a lot of sacrifices, and then some hot shot qb who parties all over the country, fucks anything he desires, gets drafted without playing since high school. Kind of a total slap in the face, but what else would you expect from jff.

Guinea pig plows through 100 females over 2 weeks, expecting 400 kids.

http://www.itv.com/news/2014-06-06/guinea-pig-to-become-father-to-400-after-breaking-into-female-enclosure/

Aint no party like a randy party cause a randy party dont stop! (unless some bitch scientist moves him back to the male cage) The little guy saw, he came (quite literally), and he most definitely conquered. When most people have lived a very successful life they get a library named after them, or maybe a dorm at a college. But not the real ballers like randy, hes getting an extension to a guinea pig farm which im pretty sure is the human equivalent to  getting a new planet. Just like the fat girl at the bar knows shes ugly because no guy has ever even drunkenly made the mistake of bringing her home, there are probably some really low self esteems in that female cage right now.  If you didnt get tagged by randy at some point during his two week spree you know you suck.

Unsuspecting news out of brazil, country wont be ready for olympics

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/rio-sailing-bay-wont-be-clean-for-olympics-says-mayor-amid-reports-of-floating-carcasses-9507728.html

These days whats a major world sporting event without dead dogs or people in the build up to the event? I guess good news for brazil here is they can save a few bucks by not buying buoys and just using the already existing floating human heads for sailing events. I feel bad for the ioc, they obviously have to give sites to poor countries from time to time. But for once they probably just want to come into work, sit down at their desk, and not have to deal with answering rumors that host countries are paying workers 10 pieces of rice per day, or that some guy fell into a concrete mixer and they just buried him 15 feet under the stadium. A country coming out and saying they cant get something done in two whole years is hilarious. Just being total lazy bums. Absolutely 0% chance I even watch a sailing event, so I shouldnt even care. But its always good to know that however bad the U.S. might be its still 10000000x better than almost anywhere else on this earth.

I just want one story from east texas to surprise me

http://lufkindailynews.com/news/article_3940d8d2-eda3-11e3-affa-001a4bcf887a.html

Ah yes, the masters, world series game 7s, stealing copper wire from window ac units, traditions like no other. It just wasnt made to be for ole’ roy and quavori. I honestly rather get shot 14x in the head than have to deal with people making fun of me for getting caught because I fell through a ceiling and the cop just slapped the cuffs on me. Then the second buddy shoved his foot through and had to be unstuck by cops which he then just waltzed on down.  Make it interesting man, tell them you have a bomb up there or at least negotiate to be able to keep an ac unit for your jail cell. Never been to jail but I would assume cool air goes at a premium, talkin at least a few late night tugs from the guy next door.

Savage of a lady chows down

I know every girl wants attention, but jeez lady, theres better ways to go about it. You flopping a 72oz. steak around in your mouth is repulsive. Its even worse you couldnt stop at 1. Everybodys impressed, no need to flex your dick. There are two things I would definitely want to see from this girl. First is a stool sample, not even in like a creepy way.  Just like out of curiosity and in the name of science what does a 9 pound shit look like? Also, if she goes after food like that theres 0 chance she doesnt go after dick 10x more violent. And again, just in the name of science, is there or is there not a direct correlation between a girl wearing an anarchy jacket eating 9 pounds of steak in 15 minutes and absolutely crushing a dick. I honestly dont think I could even begin to handle this girl. I would just have to let someone else do the actual research and I would sit back and jack off, I mean take notes and form a theory and hypothesis.

How far can hipster/ indie stuff go?

http://www.dallasnews.com/entertainment/columnists/joy-tipping/20140606-getting-a-read-on-dallas-indie-bookstores.ece

Absolutely never going to get it. At this point everything on this earth is trendy. I’m just going to take a wild guess some couple lives in a box outside each of these stores and scoffs at anyone walking in because they arent locals and chic like they are. I’m fairly certain you can buy every book ever written for 99 cents each on amazon these days but whatever.  If indie bookstores is the new way hipsters are all trying to be different in the same way these days Ill let it be. Just dont get mad when I throw a stick in your spokes and while youre eating pavement your “how to talk yourself out of suicide for dummies” falls into a gutter.

Just your typical “this is an onion article right?” story coming out of east texas

http://thedogwoodtale.com/palestine-confederate-park-to-host-juneteenth-celebration/

My jaw dropped reading the first paragraph. Its genuinely funny how these people think they’re being great people of because of this. Serving black people fried chicken, chitlins, and watermelon while wearing confederate uniforms?!? Gonna have a bonfire too which just happens to have a burning cross on top of it too, might as well? I would be interested in checking this circus out but I think I might seize to death from the awkwardness. Maybe Ill just watch the news that night to see how many people died in the reenactment that wasnt actually a reenactment.

The man just wanted some pictures, nothing more

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/slimeball-admits-hiding-camera-in-womens-bathroom-says-1586265277/+burtreynoldsismyspiritguide1

Not too upset over this guys hustle. Obviously if I, for some god awful reason, had a wife or girlfriend I would be less than thrilled about this buddy taking pictures of them, but I dont, so I’m on the fence watching.  Braums and starbucks? Im going to take a wild guess and say hes into the brown stuff. But if you think about it can you blame him? Hes that old, probably doesnt know the internet exists, what else is he to do.  He did what our founding fathers would have wanted him to do, and thats take matters into his own hands.  I would only assume thomas jefferson would of been able to rig up a coat hook that doesnt fall off the door and into a girls lap while shes making her push face though.

Don Zimmer passes

Don’t know tons about Zimmer, just know he was a staple of the game for many decades. To be around the game as long as he was is awesome. These days it takes a lot to have respect from all of baseball, but he had it. Kind of a shame he’ll always be remembered for the Pedro flip, still no less of an icon for the game. Not to make light of the situation, but to make light of the situation, how much money would it take for the the family to allow Pedro to flip him into the grave? If the Internet rounded up 10 million dollars (bc that’s what the Internet does these days) I feel like the family would have to just be like “yup, flip him on in Pedro.” What’s the number?